Ima2Seven has a post up about deciding whether or not to have more children. I know a few women who have as many as they can, letting their fertility fade naturally as they get older.
Here’s what Ima has to say about being a mother of seven:
I tell them that it is crazy, and fun, and joyous and hard and full of love. That when I became a mom I wasn’t a patient person who could live with clutter or a lack of control. I had no choice but to become that kind of person along the way.
I can identify with that statement. Although a degree of clutter was a part of my life before babies.
She also sees a big difference, in the long term, between being a parent of two, versus a parent of three. Between three and four, she doesn’t see much difference. I think she is right about the difference between two and three, but I could argue that adding a fourth is also a big jump. So much depends on the spacing, the personalities of the children, your husband, and other things that are going on in your life. And with a fourth, you are more likely to want a bigger car and/or house.
I’ve already written about adjusting to a large family from a different perspective.
Related:
Dr. Chana Katan: Large Families, Yes. Demanding Careers for Mothers, No.
Excellent post.
I also found 2 to 3 to be a harder transition than 3 to 4, 4 to 5, etc. When we had three was when we first bought a car, and we went straight to a minivan anyway, so we didn’t have car issues until # 6. When our 7th child was born, we went (big) van shopping
It’s possible to manage with a few children and no car, but it depends on where you live.
We were in Boston. Good public transportation. We lived elsewhere that had buses but no trolley/subway when we had 4, 5, and then 6. Until #6 was born, I used the public buses with all of the little ones along, because my husband took our only car to work. If I wanted the car for the day, I had to drive him the hour to work and drive home again, and then pick him up later in the day. When #6 was born, he got a smaller car for commuting and left me the minivan.
Well, I think the transition from 0-1 was definitely the hardest!
From where I stand, 3 seems to be a full plate! Ours are 7, 4, and 7 months. I think there’s also a difference in how you space your kids. Our kids are 3 years and 4 years apart, which in some ways is great, but it certainly makes it harder to think about starting all. over. again. in 3 years, just as we’re getting rid of diapers and bibs and nap requirements. Maybe if we’d had our kids closer together it would be easier, in some ways, to have more, because we wouldn’t have that “we’re starting all over again” fear. We’d always be kinda in the middle.
Gila the obvious answer is to make the next two closer together (just kidding).
we’ll get right on that 🙂
Gila- we spaced a bit closer- 2.5-3 years apart and it does make a difference. My youngest is still in diapers, my middle one at 5 JUST gave up her motzetz this week. So, starting over in May again with tiny baby requirements isn’t the biggest deal, to me. But I totally get what you’re saying.
Exciting, Abbi! It seems like yesterday when your son was just born.
I think about this constantly, so I’m glad you shared the link and your thoughts! I hear different things from different people about the transition from 1 to 2, 2 to 3, and so on. I’m always glad to hear about people’s experiences.
We had planned to space closer, but breastfeeding into toddlerhood interfered (I know, not for all women, but for me it is the case). I am trying to be whole with what this may mean for our family size, not that I have a hard and fast idea and not that it’s exactly up to me alone. (My doctor laughs at me, since he considers me so young…I’m really not that young!)
BI, young is relative. Moms often ask about weaning to get started on the next one. They always say they are old and don’t want to wait. Sometimes they are 30, sometimes 40. Of course the younger ones are right on some level too. But we can’t judge who’s right in this case since you didn’t tell us how old you are!
B’ezrat Hashem we will be going from 3 to 4 in June. At that time, all my children will be under 5 – the largest spacing being 20 months. My grandmother doesn’t believe me, but it *is* possible for some women to get pregnant while tandem nursing!! I’ve done it twice!
2 to 3 was definitely the hardest when the baby started wanting to be down instead of in the sling or wrap. Hoping 3 to 4 isn’t much harder but I’m trying to work out extra help all the same.
Elisheva, that does sound challenging! I’m sure you will need the help, 3 to 4 is never *that* easy. 🙂
I think the “transitional numbers” vary more in reation to other factors (spacing, financial situation, work situation, personality of children) than the number per se.
We had the first two and the last two within 18 months of each other, and #3 with a three and two year gap on either side. She was a very demanding baby and child, so this was a big help.
To be fair, she has become an exceedingly independent and competant 18-year-old.
I found the move to the odd numbers harder (2-3 and 4-5) I don’t know why.
but not everyone plans and even deciding not to plan is a plan.
As a mother to 5 kids aged 9 and under I absolutely love having a big family and I can’t imagine my life otherwise. For me, the transition from 1 to 2 was easy and from 2 to 3 was harder. I find that every time I’ve had a baby (except my 1st) I need to hit the “reset button”. My entire life slows down for at least 3 months and even beyond. It’s not a negative time period – it’s very special however there are some very emotional moments for me and my family. When I think about having more children the biggest sacrifice is the 10 months of pregnancy… I feel that I do rob my children of an energetic fun mom and that’s the hardest part for me.